Heartstrings
by erzahler
Summary: In a span of four years, I learned to be a little less vain, a lot less loud and a little more thoughtful. I’d quit being a Konoha kunoichi, preferring to be an average, normal civilian.
1. Chapter 1

**Unfortunately, I am not the genius behind the greatness that is Naruto. This story is strictly for personal enjoyment. ^_^**

The idea for this whole thing started out a long, long time ago, I just didn't have enough guts (or time) to start writing. And now, I just barely managed to muster enough courage to Publish! Oh, and this story was in no way intended to be a spoiler. I started this around November 2008, waaay before the current Naruto manga chapters.

* * *

It's been four years now since that god-awful war that very nearly destroyed Konoha and annihilated its populace, but to me it will forever seem like only yesterday. Ironically, it was the bloodiest war of the century that eventually brought peace among the shinobi nations. However, peace or no peace, I still have vivid recollections of all the gruesome sights and sounds of that fateful day: mangled corpses of civilians and ninja alike, screaming women and children, terrifying enemies hurling threats and curses at Konoha shinobi… and most especially, the bright crimson blood on my hands. The distinct smell of fear has constantly stayed with me that I sometimes still suffocate from it.

It's been four years since Sai, Sakura and Sasuke-kun died. How perversely funny that all their names should start with 'S', but now isn't the time for me to think that's funny nor will there ever be a time for me to think so. It's been four years but I can still see the three of them as clearly as they were on the last day of their lives. Sakura, with her bubble-gum pink hair in disarray, green eyes dancing wildly, ordering the medic-nins to action in a shrill voice filled with terror. Sakura, who'd eventually learned to care so deeply for Naruto and who'd panicked at the sight of him almost overpowered by Pein, clinging on to dear life. She'd rushed to his side and made the fatal mistake of turning her back on Pein. In a matter of seconds she was dead. In a blind rage, Naruto had retaliated, killing Pein in such a manner that I cannot even bear speak of. Sai on the other hand, had died at the end of that day's victorious battle. I had found him lying face down in the middle of a ring of enemy corpses. He'd taken them on by himself and managed to kill them all, unfortunately, not without sustaining severe injuries himself. He was still breathing but just barely. I did all that I could for him…as frustrated, frantic, exhausted and confused as I was. It was too late of course. Even though I'd managed to bring him to the hospital and the medics there had put him on life support, we still lost him. I held his hand for the first time and the last time that day. At least he died with a faint trace of a smile on his lips, or so I might have imagined. And Sasuke-kun… oh where do I even begin? I'd always envisioned that he'd eventually return to Konoha, just not the way that he did. Instead of feeling elated, I felt a potent fear and sensed for the first time just how dark and ominous his chakra had become. He'd killed his brother, he'd killed Uchiha Madara and he was definitely dead set on destroying Konoha. His eyes were the most menacing shade of crimson, full of hatred and the desire for death. Call me a coward, but I had to run. I had to get away from him, I couldn't face him and I knew I had every right to be afraid because he could and would kill me in a heartbeat. I never really found out, nor did I care to learn, the instances of Sasuke-kun and Naruto's final battle. All I know is that Naruto went on a rampage after defeating Pein. Those who witnessed the fight said it was unlike anything they'd ever seen: rivals and one-time best friends engaged in a battle that would decide the fate of Konoha and its citizens. They say Naruto won because of the kyuubi, the demon fox sealed within his body, ready to lend him unlimited amounts of chakra. But I've always thought he won because of his broken heart. He'd lost the two people who mattered most to him both on the same day and in circumstances that, in one way or another, he felt were his fault. His sadness, frustration and anger helped him emerge the victor that day. Naruto's loss eventually gained Konoha a hero.

It's been four years now and of the former Rookie 9, only seven remain. I've only ever spoken to Naruto once in four years and that was to tell him how sorry I was about Sai, about Sakura, about Sasuke-kun and about everything. All I got in response was a blank stare, then a grunt and finally, an imperceptible nod. He was never the same after what happened, never the same cheerful, loud and unpredictable ninja that he was four years ago. He'd become morose and somber, preferring to spend his days training from dawn 'til dusk. At least he hadn't given up on his dream to be Hokage. If only he'd be a little less anti-social, but who could blame him anyway? I had changed, everyone had changed and so had Konoha. The people finally saw Naruto as a hero, as the Fourth wished, but that mattered little to Naruto. He didn't even attend the victory party they threw for him. The dream to inherit the title Hokage was all that drove him to keep going and I was among those who watched him spiral deeper and deeper into isolation. He was out of reach, impenetrable and he exhausted himself to no end.

In a span of four years I, on the other hand, learned to be a little less vain, a lot less loud and a little more thoughtful. I'd quit being a Konoha kunoichi, preferring to be an average, normal civilian. Although this was in direct contradiction of Asuma-sensei's dying wishes, I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't go on. The death and destruction left me disillusioned, I began to question the path I chose for myself and I grieved for a very long time. I grieved for my best friend, Sakura. I grieved for our friendship and our rivalry. I grieved for Sai and the thwarted romance we might've had. I grieved for Sasuke-kun, the boy from long ago whom I thought I loved. I grieved for Konoha and for everyone who'd lost someone. Eventually, I felt exhausted and drained. I had to move on or else I would be left stuck in a meaningless stagnation. Four years gave me the opportunity for introspection; I took a good look at myself and decided once and for all what I really wanted. Turns out, the answer was rather simple: I just wanted a life that was worthwhile, simple and quiet. So I began by taking over the flower shop. Completely. I suppose it was time for my mother to retire anyway. I worked full time, 7 days a week, 8 hours a day. I must admit I enjoyed the solitude and all the time I had to myself while tending the shop. I had the opportunity to daydream for hours and hours on end, something I'd always enjoyed as a child but had to give up in order to become Konoha's best kunoichi. I'd relish in watching the occasional customer wander around the shop pondering which blossom to choose and I'd finally help them decide on the perfect one. The Yamanaka Flower Shop was my safe haven. There I didn't have to worry or fear anything, and there I could forget every single bad memory I had of the past. True, some people would call the activities of my daily life boring and mundane, but I didn't really care. I enjoyed the calm and quiet satisfaction it brought my soul. Besides, I had one other activity to occupy myself with. I can never really recall the exact day or hour when it happened, but the place, I shall always remember. And I will forever blame fate for it.

I vaguely recall that it might've been a little more than a year ago. I'd started doing flower and seedling deliveries around that time for extra income and of course, the view. Deliveries gave me the perfect excuse to wander around Konoha and take in all its magnificence. Around town all the houses, buildings and shops that got destroyed during the war were rebuilt, so everything looked fairly new. But on the outskirts everything was the same, the lakes, fields and the gentle rolling hills. In a word, Konoha was breathtaking. Its serenity seemed to match my new found meditative personality perfectly. On one particular afternoon I delivered a bunch of peonies to a kindly old lady who lived on the outskirts of town. On the way back I decided to take a different route, one that would take me round the eastern side of Konoha before finally leading back into town. The road I chose to take happened to pass by a gentle slope that led to a grassy patch around 20 meters or so away. It was surrounded by trees and there was a little brook off to the left side. I stopped a while to admire the view, the place was perfect, especially that the eastern mountain range provided an excellent backdrop. I was just imagining how wonderful it must be to watch the sunrise in this particular spot, when a sudden movement out of the corner of my eye distracted me. It surprised me for a while, but comprehension dawned on me quickly enough. It could only have been him anyway. True, his clothing was a little more subdued, his movements more careful, calculated and purposeful but it was still that same look of fiery determination he wore on his face.

I decided to stay a while, to observe and possibly even admire his swift, fluid motions. He'd grown so much over the years. He looked more mature and serious, someone who seemed to not tolerate foolishness of any kind. Judging from a distance, he was probably more than a foot taller than me now, slightly tanned and muscular, trim but not bulky. It looked like he was practicing taijutsu at the meantime, but around him I saw various targets embedded with a number of kunai and shuriken. That was the first time I'd seen him in a very long time. I'd occasionally hear news about him of course, of how he had breezed through the chuunin exams and how he'd become a jounin almost overnight. I smiled inwardly, a little ruefully maybe, but I was still somehow glad for him. He'd suffered so much but I was amazed at his steadfast willpower. How he must miss them...his teammates...the original Team 7, his friends. I guessed that he somehow felt he'd failed them, failed to bring Sasuke-kun back and failed to protect Sakura. The Hokage-ship would be his way of honoring them, of remembering them and it would be his personal monument dedicated to them. I decided right there and then, that he truly deserved to become Hokage more than anyone else in Konoha. I left around ten minutes after, I didn't want to intrude and I had to get back to the shop anyway.

* * *

Well, that's that for now. A chapter or two may be on the way. But not too soon as school is, you know, **Arrgh. ^_^**


	2. Chapter 2

**And finally...^_^ **So this second chapter isn't as long as the first. And I intended it to be that way, despite this chapter looking like it was written overnight. I started on the 4th of January...yes, I take _that_ long to write =(

Firstly, I didn't want to depress anyone any further. Secondly, this is Naruto "speaking" now, so it's short and simple. Lastly, I want to get the action (or romance?) going already. Although at the moment I am still not sure where this will lead. Friendship or Love or Both.

* * *

Four years and now it's only a dull thump somewhere in my hollow chest. It used to hurt like friggin' hell. But not today. Not anymore. After all, I am Uzumaki Naruto.

All the events that lead up to the present were never part of my plans. Of anyone's plans in Konoha for that matter. As a kid, all I ever wanted to be was _Hokage_, to be acknowledged. Back then I was a snot-nosed little rascal, a trouble-maker and a monster. But now everything's different. They respect me. They look up to me. They need me. But I still think they fear me.

Who wouldn't anyway?

I took out Pein, Akatsuki's psychopathic second-in-command, after he…he killed her…right in front of my eyes. I must have had a temporary out of mind and body experience; I don't really recall how I defeated him. I think it's something those mind manipulation ninja call repression or something. Anyway it isn't something I want to talk about or even think about. Yes, it's one of the two incidents I've pushed to the recesses of my memory. I will never forget them but I also willingly never remember.

After _that_ day, I just somehow forgot myself. After waking up in the hospital, I expected her to be there, to tell me it was all OK. But it wasn't. She wasn't there sitting next to me, holding my hand. It wasn't the bad dream I was willing it to be. It was reality. A reality I wanted so much to escape but I did not know what to do or where to begin. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry. I wanted to confess; to tell her that I loved her with all my soul, my heart, my being. I wanted to die so badly that I contemplated the many ways I could commit suicide. But I lacked the energy or the resolve to even lift a finger. I was in that hospital bed for seven months. They told me that my body took only two weeks to recuperate. But I remember wishing so badly for my body to just give up and not bother getting well. But as always, the demon fox had everything to do with it. It wasn't so much concern for me as concern for itself. All the broken bones, bruises and cuts were gone. I was good as new. And I was expected to be Uzumaki Naruto, the hero. I was expected to rise above the ashes, to start anew, to move on, to go against all odds and live again. And that, by far, has been the most difficult fucking thing I've ever had to do.

So here I am now, Tsunade-sama's apprentice for _Hokage_-ship. I train every single day. I exhaust myself from sun up till sun down. I have little else to do save for the occasional invite to the ninja academy for a demonstration of the massive shadow clone replication jutsu or toad summoning or precise nature chakra control demos. There aren't too many high ranked missions to go on. Peace has been achieved among the shinobi nations. And frankly, I think it isn't only Konoha that fears me.

I am tied to training. I am tied to the village. I am tied to responsibility. I am tied to duty. But I have retained no human bonds. I am alone on this path. I have lost all that I ever held dear. As an infant I lost my parents and the family I would've known. As I child I had no friends or allies. Growing up, I lost my best friend and my rival. I lost my master, my sensei, the man I admired most. Four years ago, I lost the girl I loved. And all of Konoha was my audience.

People must wonder…how I am still able to do this. To go on despite the many tribulations of my life. The only answer I can think of is that I am doing this for them, for the promises I made them. I am doing this for the people I have lost. I am doing this for Konoha, for the villagers so that no one will ever have to lose someone they love, the way I did. Many times over.

But yes, despite my seemingly valiant purpose, my life is empty. I am empty.

* * *

Third chapter will come. Just not sure when. I have three deadlines looming overhead. **My future looks grim. X_X;  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm tired, really tired. :(**

**

* * *

  
**

It was a day as random as any other but, oh, it was glorious unlike any other. A few weeks had passed since _that_ day and I was running late, make that very late. The sun was already shining high above Konoha and it was all I could do not to break into a full sprint, delicate flowers and fragile vase in hand.

**BAM**.

I had almost gotten round a corner when I slammed straight into someone's chest. No, no…make that a brick wall masquerading as a person's chest. I gaped stupidly at the events unfolding before me. I was oblivious to the fact that I had lost my balance and almost landed painfully on my behind if not for a strong arm that shot forward and grabbed my left shoulder. Said hand propped me against a wall and promptly proceeded to seize the fugitive, antique porcelain vase that was flying in a perfect arch through the air. And all this happened in the blink of an eye. I should've known. Recognition dawned on me a little too slowly than I would've liked. The gears of my grey matter direly needed oiling. Black flames. Red coat. Blonde hair. Piercing blue eyes…

"Naruto." I managed at last but a little too breathily for my tastes. There I was, reduced to a bumbling damsel in distress after years of hard training to become Konoha's finest kunoichi.

I stared shamelessly, open-mouthed, as he in turn wordlessly held out the perfectly unharmed vase to me. I continued being my disoriented self until I noticed the tiniest of smiles that tugged around the corner of his lips. I must've looked pretty darn stupid and I couldn't tell whether he felt bemusement or irritation or both.

"You're crushing the lavenders." he ventured eventually, a hint of matter-of-factness.

"Oh..._Oh_!" the sound of his voice startled me. Those were the most he'd ever said to me in four years. And _yes_, the flowers were crushed. All that fuss and the harried rushing wasted. Mrs. Yanagi was going to skin me alive. At least the vase was OK. The disappointment must've etched itself deeply on my face as a look of concern crossed his.

I took the vase from his still outstretched arm, whirled around and almost made an attempt to start walking in the direction from whence I came.

"Stupid…stupid…_stupid_…" I muttered silently and quickly turned to face him, cocked eyebrow and all.

Then I bowed. I bowed as deeply as any person could without snapping my backbone in half. "I'm sorry and thank you so very much. This vase is probably more valuable than my life."

"Heh, I wouldn't really say that…" He stared at his feet, as if suddenly mesmerized by his toes. His face darkened a little, I suppose, at my last remark.

"I…I…I really must go. Thank you again." I turned my back to him for the last time that day, or so I thought. I had only just made three paces when I heard it.

"Ino." He said so softly that it barely registered. I stopped but didn't turn around immediately, trying to decide whether I was hearing things or not. The second time he spoke, it was a little louder, clearer. And this time I was certain I wasn't suffering an auditory hallucination, he really was speaking to me. I faced him.

"Ino, would you like some help?"

* * *

**Until next time. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

I **must** learn how to write faster. :'(

Usual disclaimer.

* * *

I wasn't intoxicated. I wasn't drugged. If it was foolishness, right now I cannot say. I had some place else to be that day, a prior engagement if you will. So I have absolutely no idea what the hell got into me offering my help to Ino Yamanaka.

Looking back on my younger years, I know I didn't particularly like her very much. I am quite sure I was never comfortable around her. We weren't even friends. It was almost as if we were the same exact poles that we repelled each other so strongly. Besides, she was always so infatuated with…

To be honest I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel, to act, to speak around her. I've known her for most of my life, but we were complete strangers. It's a wonder then how we both survived the morning with Mrs. Yanagi.

We had walked back to the Yamanaka flower shop (I walked, she was almost running). I'd never been inside there before. It was a very visual and olfactory attack on the senses, I should have known. And I should have at least tried to live up to my offer of help instead of just standing idiotically in the middle of the shop while she darted all over the place.

In less than five minutes, she was done and my "help" eventually came in the form of opening the door for her. In another instant she was propelling high-speed down the street.

"You know, if you don't slow down you're going to run straight into someone again." That stopped her in her tracks.

"Eh…I know, I know. It's just that I…" She looked like she was about to cry. And I distinctly remember almost smiling. Almost.

"Are you laughing at me?" She demanded.

"No." I plucked the vase and the flowers out of her hands. "I just want to help you."

The rest of our little journey was uneventful. Ino explained to me where we were headed to and kept muttering "she'll kill me" under her breath. When we reached Mrs. Yanagi's home, an elderly lady opened the door for us. She was small, almost frail and looked incapable of harming even the smallest ant. But by the time we had to leave, I understood what Ino's mutterings meant.

Mrs. Yanagi had lost her husband of almost fifty years in the war four years ago. He was the love of her life she said and kept a little shrine in his memory. That was what the flowers were for. A neighbor would take the antique vase to the flower shop on Wednesday afternoons and Ino would come the next morning to do what she could for the old lady.

Mrs. Yanagi offered us some tea and it was ungracious to refuse. While Ino cleaned the front porch, I did what I could for the yard. Mrs. Yanagi was bustling around in the kitchen.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." She mumbled, preoccupied with a particularly stubborn stain.

"How do you know Mrs. Yanagi?"

"Well, she and her husband were always one of our shop's most loyal customers. They'd come every week without fail. Mr. Yanagi would buy her flowers, any one she'd like. Her particular favorite were hydrangeas. But Mr. Yanagi loved lavenders, so…"

Ino's voice had trailed off and she looked close to tears again. "What's the matter?"

"That day…that day…he came alone to the shop to get her flowers for her birthday. The first blast, he never made it…"

I couldn't say a word. I'd already spoken far too much that day. I wasn't feeling like myself. My heart was suddenly heavy, constricted. This was exactly the reason I kept away from people. I couldn't bear the guilt that had an iron-grip on my soul. The destruction of the village and the deaths were my entire fault…for being what I was…

"So…you know, I felt it was my duty to take care of her." Ino broke my reverie. And with an uneasy smile she continued, "I don't really have to worry about the flower shop much. I do deliveries sometimes and it's perfectly fine to leave the shop open. My customers just leave notes for their orders. And when I'm not around, they leave money on the counter for the flowers they take. They're so honest. The people of this village have changed…they're so kind…

She was rambling and we both knew it. She was salvaging the morning's mood and I couldn't help her. I couldn't do it. There was no way I could let my guard down any more than I had the very second I opened my mouth to speak to her that morning. I had worked so hard for the stability I had in my life and on a whim, I was going to throw it all out the window.

In under two hours we were done. I had said nothing else for the rest of the morning. Even over tea, all I had to offer was silence. It felt like an eternity but eventually we had to go. It was awkward and uneasy as we said goodbye to Mrs. Yanagi. I couldn't look her in the eye and Ino was failing miserably at being upbeat and cheerful.

We had walked a little back to the village, unspeaking, and I was finding it difficult not to escape. I wasn't strong enough.

"Listen, Ino…I have to go." With that I turned abruptly on my heel and walked in the opposite direction. I could feel her eyes on my back. She was probably stunned, confused or more possibly, angry at my sudden rudeness. But I just had to get away. It had been a mistake to reach out to her. I had seen her that day…when I was training. I had thought…but that was just wrong. I shouldn't have even begun thinking about…

I kept walking. I wasn't sure how I'd get there, but I knew where I had to go. I had to exhaust myself. I had to stop thinking. I had to release the tension I felt in every fiber of my being. I wasn't going to make the same mistake again. I was going to stay away, I needn't drag any one else into the void that was my life. I had only one purpose in life, _Hokage_. Human bonds were not mine to make.

* * *

**:)**


	5. Chapter 5

To everyone who's bothered to read this emotional roller coaster of a story, thank you! To all of you who have been so kind with your reviews, special thanks go out to you. **:) **

To colorful pet girl: Actually, Naruto contemplated suicide for a time (Chapter 2). But as you know, we can't have our hero die now, can we? **;p**

**

* * *

**

It was weeks and weeks and weeks until that weasel-y, fox-faced, stuck up… Alright, enough. The point is it was a very long time until I saw him again. And really, that single incident should not affect me so much…

I realize now that it was immensely out of character for him to have done that, to offer his help and actually spend a few hours with total strangers. It must have shocked him, the experience of connecting with human beings again.

He had such a one-track mind. He lived alone, trained alone, did every damn thing by himself just so he could become this almighty entity who would watch over everyone. Somehow I found that equation not quite right. Sending that boisterous, Mr. Congeniality of a shinobi into exile was doing more harm than good for the present-day Naruto.

Anyway, back to my recollections. To be precise, it had been 6 weeks, 2 days, 4 hours, 10 minutes and 3 seconds to the day he so unceremoniously abandoned me. He was presumably on his way to the Hokage Tower. It was early Saturday afternoon and the streets were quite busy with people. I was dusting the windows and was mildly surprised to see him pass so near the flower shop. I had it in my head that he was doing his best to avoid me. So far so good, until that afternoon…But then again, there was also a 99 percent chance that he didn't see me. After all, "so near" was over 20 meters away in my estimates. There were so many people that I was probably unremarkable among them. He, on the other hand, I couldn't miss. He had quite a different air about him than everyone else. He had quite a different walk. He had quite a different presence. He had quite a different coat, for heaven's sake. He was **that** hard to miss.

My face must've been beet red, shining like a beacon in the middle of an ocean of people. A few passers-by stared strangely at me, but my eyes were transfixed on a single retreating back. A cacophony of screaming emotions and thoughts washed over me.

In a single instant I wanted to run up to him, whack him in the head, scream at him to wake up, snap out of it. I wanted to apologize, I wanted to hold him and beg for _him_ to come back. I wanted to thank him for his help, his company. I wanted to yell at him that there was no way he could become Hokage this way. I wanted to tell him that no one blamed him for what happened, no one at all. I wanted to reassure him that making new friends would in no way be dishonoring…them. But I just stood there, stock still, unable to move. I just stared and stared until I realized that I had finally lost sight of him.

I closed up the shop early that day. I was trembling and my feet were a little shaky. I felt so angry, I was sad, so confused. For four years I worked hard to rebuild my life into something that had some semblance of normalcy. I'd moved on, my teammates had moved on, everyone else had achieved some progress at moving on. Everyone…except him.

I retreated to my bedroom. I grabbed a blanket, covered myself with it and sat in a corner the way I used to when I was younger. I was and still am quite afraid of thunderstorms. Back then my father would come looking for me and find me ensconced in a corner with a blanket over me, trembling like a leaf. He'd then say "Ino come out from there, that's no way for a kunoichi to act. You mustn't be afraid of anything!" But I was. The way lightning sliced through the sky sent shivers up and down my spine. And that awful, awful thunder…From then on, that corner in my room and a blanket made up my safe zone.

As I grew up, it wasn't just thunder and lightning anymore. Whenever negative feelings threatened to overcome me, I had a place to go. After Asuma-sensei died, after the Leaf's near destruction, after all the terrible things…I'd sit in my corner and wait until the storm passed over.

That day I didn't immediately understand what had taken hold of me so strongly. It wasn't until the sun had set and my room had been taken over slowly by darkness that realization hit me. After all these years…

We weren't particularly close. Well, we weren't close at all. Sure we'd had a few missions together back in the day. But our banter was always superficial, nothing there to actually establish a connection. I'd call him _baka_ and he in turn would yell something along the lines of shut up or he'd growl or he'd make a face or he'd plain ignore me. He annoyed me most of the time, but his will and drive to succeed impressed me. Of course back then I'd never admit that hint of admiration I held for his _nindo_, his ninja way.

I had only begun to openly hint at my admiration after he returned from his two and a half year training with Jiraiya. Sure he'd still act like a total idiot and was still a genin by rank but he'd grown so darn much, it was insane! I had also taken an apprenticeship with Tsunade-sama, but my progress compared to his was practically nil.

He'd overtaken everyone else in a seemingly effortless way. But his training must've been outrageously rigorous and extremely difficult, certainly something I wouldn't have lasted very long at. He struggled, he endured and he made it. Most of this of course, I imagined. All I had were bits of information and stories gleaned from those close to him…but I was confident my imaginings weren't far from the truth.

Soon enough, he was fighting against the wrath of Akatsuki…then Sasuke…and then nothing. He saved the village, he saved me, but…he'd lost all those he held closest and dearest. We cheered his victory. We grieved. We paid our respects…then declared him a hero…and then nothing. Of course I would never forget what happened. I would never ever forget those who'd sacrificed their lives. But somehow, everyone just forgot about Naruto.

He cut himself off from everyone and we just accepted that. My pathetic attempt at reaching out to him four years ago was in vain and I left it at that. I think it was because we all just assumed that since he had demonstrated such superhuman skill and ability, he would be OK. But he was only human; made of skin, flesh and bone like everyone else. We forgot that. Beneath all that strength, that power, was a lonely and broken person.

Naruto had sacrificed everything for Konoha. We owed him all that we had, the peace we basked in and the hope we held for the future. Yet we all willingly allowed him to suffer in his own personal hell. The way we always had.

It disgusted me. That wasn't right. That could never be right.

With a single tear running down my cheek, everything became clear. After all these years, I was guilty. Finally, it had caught up with me. The guilt that had been buried deep within the recesses of my soul had surfaced. I could no longer ignore it. Four years ago, I had an excuse. I had my own wounds to lick, a life to rebuild. I had my own self to worry about. That was my justification. But not anymore.

The next morning, I awoke with sunlight shining in my eyes. The night had been spent reviewing my life thus far. I was lucky; I was blessed far more than a lot of people. Yet all this time I'd chosen to be a mere spectator. I was always safe, closed off, protected. There was always someone around to save my neck, to back me up. But I had stood on the sidelines long enough. Life and the chance to make a difference were not about to pass me by again.

Things were about to change, I resolved.

* * *

I will probably, probably update this weekend. **XD**

**P.S. **Who knew Ino could be this emphatic? Oh, the beauty of fanfics.


	6. Chapter 6

Inspiration, hit me please. **:(**

* * *

The very first time it happened, I really didn't think too much of it. A coincidence, I thought. It must've been some fluke or, a random circumstance thrown at me by this twisted universe. There was no other explanation.

Then weeks and weeks after, it happened a second time. Then a third time. And then a fourth. Again, I dismissed these occurrences. I had no time to dwell on trivial things. Besides, three times in a span of two weeks, I reasoned it wasn't that bad.

But by the fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth time (on consecutive days and always at the same hour)…I had absolutely no idea what to make of these happenings. I had tried to stay away, to keep my distance but apparently that wasn't enough. Clearly I had to exert a little more effort.

Two options: either I would tackle the root of my problem head on or I could just run away from it. Personally, I was partial to running away. But then again, I was already a little attached to my training grounds. If I abandoned it, I'd never be able to find another spot as quiet and secluded.

I had always been a believer in positive, decisive action. This time however, I wasn't quite sure. I was torn. I couldn't make up my mind. I'd weighed the pros and the cons. They cancelled each other out. Not good, not good at all. (Although I must say, running away sounded good…).

Obviously, I had no other recourse. I'd have to resort to leaving things to chance, to fate, much like you would if you tossed a coin. But I was thinking of something a little more elaborate. Blindfolded, I was going to throw a kunai in the direction of my blind spot, after spinning around nine times. Yeah, yeah overkill, I know. So if I managed to hit the target, I was going to have to find myself a brand new location. But if I missed, well, I had to confront my "problem". It was corny, it was childish. I knew I was cheating myself, but what did it matter? I reassured myself over and over. Chance, chance, chance, chance.

On the day I had chosen, I set up the things I needed an hour before the dreaded appearance of my problem. I hung the target in the middle of a large tree trunk and proceeded to slowly walk away while keeping the target just within view. At a suitable distance, I adjusted my position several times to locate my blind spot. When the target and my blind spot were aligned, I covered my eyes with the blindfold.

The cloth was so tight that not even the tiniest glint of sunlight could pass through. Satisfied with this, I began my count down. With each number muttered under my breath, I executed a perfectly calculated 360 degree rotation. Anyone who might have been watching would've surely thought I had finally lost my mind. It was both strange and stupid…but people are like that sometimes.

**Nine**…_this should be easy_. **Eight**…_but_ _this is cheating_. **Seven**…_it doesn't matter_. **Six**…_this isn't cheating, so what if I can hit bulls-eye after bulls-eye after bulls-eye in pitch darkness? _**Five**…_I'm lying to myself. _**Four**…_a person will believe anything as long as he wants to. _**Three**…_yes, this is what I want to believe_. **Two**…_there's no way I'm going to miss_. **One**…

As I released the kunai from my hand, I could feel the tiniest of smiles playing on my lips. It was almost triumphant. I heard the weapon make contact with the target. I breathed an easy sigh of relief. The sound was a little off but I didn't mind at all. _There would be no confrontations of problems today._

Or so I'd thought.

My horror was beyond words when I removed the blindfold. The kunai was embedded in something alright: the ground. I had missed, by a mile.

Impossible. It was absolutely impossible. My calculations were perfect. My throw was flawless. There was no wind to deflect the kunai's path. So there was no way in hell I could've missed. I was rooted to the spot, mouth hanging open. My mind was racing but certainly not as fast as my heart was going.

They said karma was a bitch. I had never realized it was _that_ much of a bitch. "Naruto, Naruto this is what you get for trying to cheat yourself out of this quandary" I chided myself. Blood was rushing to my head, I was feeling nauseous but I still had more than 45 minutes to think and get myself out of this mess.

But I tell you, karma is one _mean_ bitch.

Suddenly there it was, the daily apparition that had been distracting me for almost three weeks. It was standing stately on top of a slope a little distance from where I was still standing.

I started muttering to myself again, trying desperately to get my game face on. Everything was off, everything was a disaster. I should've just made up my mind by myself. I shouldn't have played this stupid, childish game. I was almost 20 years old for Kami's sake!

But if this is the way fate works…

_Well crap, here goes_ was the last clear thought in my head before I strode off to come face to face with the intruder whom I had desperately and pointedly tried to ignore. I attempted to organize my thoughts, but to no avail. I could've easily stopped myself and walked off in the opposite direction, but I had made an agreement with myself. Regardless of how moronic it might've been, I wasn't about to go back on my word. It was too late anyway.

I heaved a great sigh as the distance between us came to only about four feet. In another second I was screaming my head off. I didn't expect that sudden outburst but I just kept going at it. I can only vaguely remember the things that were spewing out of control from my mouth. All I know is that frustration upon frustration came flowing out with my irate words. Insults and curses and all sorts of vile things were in profusion. My brain was thoroughly against it, but reason eventually relented to my heart: I mentioned something about Sasuke and Sakura. There was even a little bit about Sai. My energy was being drained with every word but for some strange reason it felt good. I felt good.

It took me several minutes before I could wrap up my little speech and when I was through, I expected a flurry of arms and fists to beat me to a pulp. I even dared closing my eyes for a few seconds but nothing came. Very, _very_ strange. I was almost convinced that I was hallucinating or trapped in some sort of genjutsu. But everything was real. And if I had, even for a second, thought that that day could not have gotten any stranger, the darndest thing happened as I opened my eyes:

She _smiled_.

* * *

**Apologies**, I know I could've done way better.  
But I was hungry. Kukukuku.


	7. Chapter 7

**OK, so here it is after a billion years! I'm so sorry it's taken me this long (and such a short chapter too!), but it's been quite hard managing my time in school and life in general! :(**

I hope you guys enjoy though. :)

The usual disclaimers.

* * *

"Catharsis."

"Think of it as sort of a purification of emotions!" I beamed at him as I tried explaining the word for a second time.

He looked at me strangely and turned his head away, a slight blush on his cheeks. His sudden silence after that outburst was not unexpected. I suppose it had taken him by surprise. To be able to speak that way again after so long must have felt somewhat brand new to him.

I kept my gaze trained on him. Waiting.

When he still said nothing, I ventured further, "Naruto, this isn't good for you. I know what you've been through, and I've seen what it's done to you. I may not understand your pain or fully grasp what it means to you, but just—"

"What are you playing at?" He gruffly cut me off and turned an intense stare in my direction.

Not one to be intimidated or brushed off so easily, I held his eyes and said evenly, "I want to help you."

"I don't need any help, not from you, not from anyone." His answer was so predictable I almost rolled my eyes.

I lifted my shoulders in a shrug. "Well, from my vantage point, it seems you do."

He was looking away from me again, his hands slightly twitching. I was positive he'd hit me and for a few seconds I waited for the blow to land. When nothing came, I started again. I moved a step closer to him and reached out my hand to touch his cheek. It was burning. All the emotions that flared through him a few minutes ago still lingered and it was all I could do not to lift my fingers from his face.

I turned his head so he could face me, yet his eyes refused to look at mine. But I would not let that deter me. Clearing my throat, I tried for a second time.

"Naruto, you aren't treading on the right path to your goal. True, you've become stronger than anyone I've ever known, you've reached heights far greater than you dreamed of and there's no doubt you will become Hokage someday. We admire you and look up to you but… but you've left us all behind!"

An unexpected sob choked in my throat, and his eyes locked with mine. I was faltering, memories of that fateful day were rushing back and I was finding it very difficult to keep my emotions in check.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" I whispered, his piercing eyes were suddenly searching my face, presumably trying to make some sense out of my driveling.

"I'm one to talk, huh." I smiled ruefully, remembering that Naruto wasn't the only one to blame for the way that bubbly, blond-haired knucklehead turned out after four years.

"I too left you behind four years ago. I should have tried harder, I should have been kinder. We may not have been friends and we may have chosen to ignore each other for the better part of our lives, but I had every capacity to reach out to you. I shouldn't have let this happen." There was shame in my voice and I could no longer bear to look him in the eye. I hung my head, my thoughts muddled.

My brain was somehow telling me this wasn't right. I had come to help Naruto. I came today not seeking forgiveness, yet my heart told me this was where I had to begin. If I was going to truly help Naruto, I had to know that he would forgive me and after all these years, finally consider me a friend.

My resolve was returning bit by bit, I composed myself and looked up into his bright blue eyes that all at once held a million questions, confusion and wonder at this bumbling fool standing in front of him.

"Tell me...It isn't too late, is it?"

* * *

And...that's it for now.

Thank you for taking the time and having the patience to read! I can't promise to update anytime soon, but I will try my very best to have a new chapter up by next month! :D


End file.
